Look Before You Keep

This guy I'm dating had a mean, demanding girlfriend, and it left him kind of a relationship-phobe. He says meeting me two months ago made him want to change that. He is loving and seems excited to be with me, except for how he introduces me -- as his "friend" or "ladyfriend." Should I be worried that he doesn't call me his girlfriend?

--Irked

It's easy to go straight to all the worst reasons for why he won't call you his girlfriend, like that it would seem disloyal to that secret wife he has stashed away in the suburbs. However, keep in mind that a label (like "girlfriend") isn't just a word. Labels actually have power over our behavior. Research by social psychologist Elliot Aronson finds that we seem to have a powerful longing for consistency -- for things to match. So, committing to a label tends to make us feel obligated to follow through with the behavior that goes with it -- and never mind figuring out whether it's what we really want. Give the guy some time. He's (understandably!) slow to do a cannonball into a new relationship, but you say he is "loving" and seems "excited" to be with you. So, sure, he may still be on the fence, but he doesn't seem to be on the run. Until his answer to "What are we doing here?" is no longer "Not sure yet," you might ask him to drop the likes of "ladyfriend" and just use your name -- charming as it is to be introduced with what sounds like 19th-century code for "two-dollar hooker."