Loathe Actually

I'm a gay man, and I've developed a crush on my best friend, despite his not being my type at all. He's very confident, and I kind of want to be him. I have many insecurities, and a mutual friend suggested what I really find attractive is how my best friend knows everything about me and accepts me anyway. The more I think about it, the more I suspect our mutual friend is right. --Wrong Reasons? Ideally, the process of feeling good about yourself is not modeled on siphoning somebody's gas. There's a key word in "self-acceptance" -- a big how-to clue -- and it's "self." Self-acceptance involves your embracing your whole self -- all of your qualities and characteristics, positive and negative. Psychologist Nathaniel Branden explained, "'Accepting' does not necessarily mean 'liking'" or that there's no need for improvement. It means recognizing you're a package deal, and you can't have the good stuff about you (like, say, your kindness) without the stuff that needs improvement (like how your housekeeping style is right out of Better Landfills and Dumpsters). To crank up self-acceptance, recognize that it's not just a feeling but an action -- something you do: deciding to like yourself (and even love yourself) as a human work in progress. When you do the job of accepting yourself, you no longer need to slot somebody in as a romantic partner simply because they don't find you repellant. (If the neighbors file a complaint about the noise from your bedroom, it ideally isn't because you spend hours weeping inconsolably after sex.) ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.