Little Photoshop Of Halos

Though the guy I broke up with recently was, ultimately, a pothead with zero ambition, I can't stop thinking about all the sweet moments. This feels better in the moment but just keeps me pining. How can I have a more balanced mental picture?

--Selective Nostalgia

Nostalgia is like crime-scene cleanup for your head: "My, what lovely new tiles. You'd hardly know there was once a triple murder in this kitchen." We've got tons of information back in storage in our long-term memory (picture rows of shelves and old steel file cabinets going on for, like, forever). However, we can only bring out and reflect on a few pieces of information at a time -- probably four, according to memory researcher Nelson Cowan. Predictably, we gravitate to memories of ourselves as, say, a beloved partner who made smart choices -- as opposed to one who jumped in without looking and then upcycled the growing pile of red flags into dog beds to sell on Etsy. You need a virtual drone cam to help you see the whole landscape at once, and it's called "an index card." On it, list all the bummer stuff about your ex that you need to keep in mind. Maybe save a photo of it on your phone. This should help you keep those pesky upsides in perspective, like how he was always so attentive to detail -- if that's what you'd call smoking tons of pot and spending several hours monitoring the hair on his left arm.