Legume Squad

I'm online dating again, but I'm now a vegetarian and gluten intolerant. Should I mention this in my profile, or just break the news gently on our first date? I think I can accept a man who eats meat. (I'd say my desire to find a great guy is greater than my fear of the occasional bloody steak on the barbeque.) But, is it reasonable to request a man who only eats meat once or twice a day, four times a week, max?

--Animal Lover

Why did the Tofurkey cross the road? Of course, to beg somebody to eat it. And, of course, they had to call that vegan dessert "Soy Delicious," yet nobody has to sell steak by calling it "Steak Delicious." Not surprisingly, there are a lot of animal lovers out there who especially love animals with a side of potatoes. Can you sit across from one while he tears into a nice, juicy piece of cow, and are you really looking forward to that long, slow, hamburger-flavored kiss goodnight? You do say you "think" you can accept a man who eats meat, but that's about wanting to widen your dating pool. Two sentences later, you're narrowing it back down, suggesting that a meat-muncher should feel free to make you sick, disgusted, and morally outraged, but only "once or twice a day, four times a week, max." Come on. If all you can stomach is a man who eats a diet fit for a sheep, say so in your profile. But, whatever you do, omit mention of specific dietary issues like gluten intolerance, or you'll sound picky and annoying. And, quite frankly, nobody needs to know the intricacies of your bile duct or your small intestine before the first date. As for news to break "gently" on the first date, that would be stuff like "I have five months to live," not "I can't eat wheat." Don't worry -- nobody's going to force-feed you a cookie. Just order your tofu patty "no bun," and move on to finding out what you and your date have in common -- beyond being the sort of people who not only stop and smell the flowers, but enjoy grazing on them afterward.