Leave Will Keep Us Together

Thanks to your column, I'm a recovering wimp, now asking women out. So, any pointers for first dates? Dinner or drinks? Things to avoid doing or saying?

--Girlfriend-Seeking

For best results, sell yourself like soap. When Procter & Gamble wants you to try a new laundry detergent, they mail you a little packet of the stuff; they don't throw a two-gallon jug over your fence and kill your dog. Likewise, the point of the first date is seeing if it makes sense to go on a second date, not letting a girl know how ashamed you were when you wet the bed at sleepaway camp. Too much emotional intimacy right away can feel creepy in retrospect. Or, you run the risk of getting attached first, then finding out how wrong a girl is for you later. To avoid going into overtime, overspend, and overshare, make the first date cheap, local, and short. Meet for a drink, for maybe an hour and a half. Have something you have to rush off to afterward. Even if it's just a conference call at your place. With your hamster listening in on the extension.