Junk Male

Do men even read online dating profiles? Mine says I'm a "sober divorced writer." Inevitably, guys message me: "What do you do? Ever been married? Wanna go for a drink?" Um, hello? I'm flattered I apparently get picked on looks alone, but even men who aren't into hookups do this.

--Mystified

There's a case to be made for a guy being a rushed or generally careless reader and sliding right past "sober divorced writer." However, men are likely to blow past an even more standout description, such as: "I enjoy fine dining, walks on the beach, and dismembering my date and feeding bits of him to the squirrels." Though men seem more likely to hit on hot women on their pictures alone, they probably do this even when women are, shall we say, lukewarm or even room temperature. Because birth control used to be "Cross your legs, honey!" women evolved to be "the choosier sex," wary about getting it on with a man until they vet him for his willingness and ability to "provide" for any resulting kids. Because men don't get pregnant, it's evolutionarily optimal for them -- best for passing on Ye Old Genes -- to have vastly lower standards. (Vastly. Like: "So...she has a pulse?") This sex difference makes a strong showing on dating apps. Computational social scientist Taha Yasseri, with three students, analyzed piles of data from online dating studies. "Men are much less selective in who they communicate with," they report. In fact, it's "optimal for men to use the 'shotgun method'": blasting out "likes" like buckshot from some backwoods Cletus' hunting rifle. The strategy is not finding a really great match (true love with a woman much like them -- or a man if they're gay) but messaging "a large number of people, irrespective of their potentially low fit" and hoping some of them bite. Basically, many men on dating apps are like 2-year-olds. They only look at the pictures. Take it super slowly with any guy you meet via app, meaning keep him on secret probation until you see ample evidence you might be well-matched (and that "Conor" is not long for "Con"). If you're awakened one lazy Saturday morning by the man in your bed, the part of your body he's most interested in should not be your thumb -- which he got a little clumsy with while trying to unlock your banking app. ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.