Job Corpse

My girlfriend of a year is beautiful, intelligent, sweet, and loving and the first woman I could see having a future with. Last week, I was told I'm being laid off from my job at a large media conglomerate. I haven't told anyone, but I'm feeling increasingly guilty for keeping it a secret from my girlfriend. The thing is I'm afraid she'll think less of me, even if she pretends not to. To be honest, I'd rather break up with her than tell her.

--Distraught

Ideally, when you propose a date-night activity, it isn't a choice between: "We could go to the grocery store and look at all the food we can't afford to buy" or "to the bank with a sawed-off shotgun and a wheelbarrow." However, your heartbreaking "I'd rather break up with her than tell her" probably stems from shortsightedness about female mating psychology. Because men and women co-evolved, men are acutely aware that women seek "providers" as partners. But, in ancestral times, when our current mating psychology was shaped, there was no such thing as wealth: assets that could be stashed (or places to stash them). No money, no banks, no corpse-sized freezer to cram 126 bison burgers into. Accordingly, evolutionary psychologist David Buss explains that women gauge a man's mate value by "looking beyond his current position" and evaluating his potential: his ability to acquire status and resources in the future. (Today, Top Ramen. Tomorrow, top surgeon.) Assuming you didn't get your job because your boss threw darts at LinkedIn and hit you in the neck, you've probably got the smarts, talent, and ambition to get a new gig -- or start a business of your own. And chances are there's more to your relationship than two nice people hooking up on the regular. Cobble together the courage to be vulnerable. Tell your girlfriend what you're going through, including how you feel: perhaps scared, unsure of your value, and maybe like you've let her down. Sure, she might drop you like a hot rock -- but she might instead show you she loves you and believes in you, even when you're having a tough time believing in yourself. There's one way to find out which it is, and it isn't by spending two months keeping mum about the layoff while having pretend work calls on Zoom with your friend's dog. ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.