It's Reigning Men

I'm 23, and I realized that I don't know who I am. I just got out of a two-year relationship with a musician. I totally cleaved to his world -- sold his CDs, promoted the band, started writing songs. But, it really wasn't me, and "we" were all about him. Before him, I dated a Rolfer, and my world became all about "body alignment" and Pilates and whatever else he was preaching. I feel like I lose myself in a man and then get nothing back.

--Disappearing

When you're between boyfriends, it's got to be hard to know whether to spend the day picketing Wall Street or occupying a dressing room at Abercrombie. What happened, you started your search for self but then your feet got tired? You actually have to go out and answer the question "Who am I?"; you can't just cheat off whomever you're sleeping with. Consider doing as a guest on my radio show, therapist Dossie Easton, did. When she was in her 20s, she decided that she needed to find out who she was when she wasn't "trying to be somebody's old lady" and vowed to remain unpartnered (though not celibate) for five years. Maybe you don't have to stay unpartnered for five years, as Dossie actually did, but you should keep fishing around for what you're all about until you bring more to a relationship than a blank slate and a willingness to take notes.