I Would Dye For You

My new boyfriend asked me to dye my ashy blonde hair dark. I think it would be fun to go brunette, but it seems rather unfeminist to do it for him. The bigger problem is that I recently stumbled across some photos of his ex-girlfriend of eight years, a brunette. Should I be concerned that he's still into her and I'm just a stand-in?

--Wigging

Sure, a romantic partner can go too far in making appearance-related requests, like by asking you to have a new set of breasts bolted on or to wear a ski mask to the liquor store. But the reality is, we all transform ourselves to be more physically appealing to romanatic partners and others. It's the reason for Rogaine, lipstick, and those control-top pantyhose that make you feel like someone's giving your intestines an all-day mammogram. And here's a man you want to want you. Why would fulfilling this request -- one you deem "fun" -- be a bad thing? Yes, there is the question of whether he's asking this because he thinks you'd look hot as a brunette or because you'd look like the hot brunette he dated before. But there's a simple way to figure that out, and it's calmly (and non-prosecutorially) asking him about this hair color preference, as well as what he sees in you (lookswise and otherwise). Keep asking until you either are satisfied with his answers or -- sadly -- realize that this request is just a prelude to other requests. (Really, all you'd have to do is a few pages of paperwork to legally change your name, saving him the pain and expense of getting that "Melanie" tattoo lasered off his "special place.")