Hush To Judgment

My boyfriend introduces me as his girlfriend to his parents, friends, co-workers, etc. However, he doesn't like to Facebook the intimate details of his life, including our relationship. My friends think it's a red flag that he doesn't post about us on Facebook. Do you think they're right?

--Hidden

Your boyfriend doesn't post what he had for lunch -- and probably not because he's embarrassed to be seen with his sandwich or he's looking to cheat on it with a plate of spaghetti. Even criminals have the right to remain silent. But that isn't what your boyfriend's trying to do. In fact, he's public about your relationship; he just draws the line at publicizing it on social media -- as in, having a bunch of people he doesn't know know a bunch of things about him. (In economics, this is called "information asymmetry.") Your friends seem to be confusing privacy with secrecy. Secrecy is about having something to hide -- often something shady you've done -- while privacy is about choosing who gets the scoop on your life. There's this notion that if you aren't doing anything wrong, you've got nothing to hide. Well, you aren't doing anything wrong on the toilet, but you probably don't want to replace your bathroom walls with glass and set up bleachers in the backyard. Apparently, your boyfriend just expects people to put in effort to invade his privacy -- rather than his being all "Welcome to our relationship! The usher will lead you to your seats -- 13A and B, right by the headboard. We look forward to your comments. Even if you're an Internet troll. Even if you're a bot!"