Her Suction Cup Runneth Over

My girlfriend of two years is the bomb but is becoming a little needy. We live together and both have office jobs, and I'm cool not talking to her until I get home, but she'll text me several times a day. If I don't respond, she texts me a sad face or some statement about how busy I must be. If I'm hanging with friends in the evening, she gets upset if I don't call her at least once. I really love her but feel indulging her need for more contact will only cause her to be more demanding.

--Tugged On

Affection is not a gateway drug. Texting your girlfriend a few extra "luv u babe"s or "thinkn of u"s during the workweek isn't the first step to carrying her everywhere with you in a giant BabyBjorn. It might even help her stop treating that device in your pocket like an "Angry Birds"-enabled wireless leash. Consider "the dependency paradox," researcher Dr. Brooke C. Feeney's finding that, in a committed relationship, the more a person felt they could count on their partner to be responsive to their calls for comforting and support, the more autonomous and self-sufficient the person would be. Ask your girlfriend to try a monthlong experiment in managing your mismatched need for closeness: You'll commit to giving her more frequent verbal reassurance that you love her and are there for her and to dashing off a few sweet texts to her at slow points during your workday. She, in turn, needs to respect some boundaries, meaning not going all funeralface when you don't respond to every workday text and not expecting to hear from you when you're out with your friends unless you end the evening in a ditch or in jail. After 30 days, take stock. I'm guessing you'll find your girlfriend feeling -- and acting -- much less like the sort of woman who's about two unreturned texts from sobbing to a packed restaurant, "He's decided to take a break from the relationship!" (Translation: "He's in the men's room.")