Hello. Is It Me You're Cooking For?

I'm a single woman in my mid-30s, and I can't cook. I'm also not interested in learning. My parents are old-school, and this worries them. They keep telling me that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Is that really still true?

--Takeout Queen

A man does not stay with a mean woman simply because she makes a mean pot roast: "Yeah, bro, I was all ready to leave her, but then my stomach chained itself to the kitchen table." However, what matters for a lot of men is that you're loving as you pry the plastic lid off their dinner. Being loving is not just a state of mind; it is something you do -- a habit of being responsive to what marriage researcher John Gottman calls "bids" from your partner for your attention, affection, or support. Being responsive involves listening to and engaging with your partner, even in the mundane little moments of life. So when your man grumbles that his hairline is retreating like the Germans at Kursk, you say something sweet or even funny back -- as opposed to treating his remark like background noise or snarling something about being late to work. Sure, some men will find it a deal breaker that you don't cook -- same as some will find it a deal breaker if you aren't up for raising children or llamas. But even a cursory familiarity with male anatomy suggests there are a number of ways to a man's heart, from the obvious -- a surgical saw through the sternum -- to a more indirect but far more popular route: showing him you can tie a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue.