Head Over Heals

My boyfriend broke up with me last month. We still talk and text almost every day. We're still connected on social media. We've even had dinner twice. I feel better that he's still in my life, even just as a friend, though we don't work as a couple. Is this healthy, or am I prolonging some sort of grief I'm going to have to feel down the road?

--Clinging

Your approach to a breakup is like having your dog die and then, instead of burying it, having it taxidermied and taking it out for "walks" in a little red wagon. Note the helpful key word -- "break" -- in breakup. It suggests that when someone tells you "It's over!" the thing you say isn't "Okey-dokey! See you tomorrow for lunch!" As painful as it is to stare into a boyfriend-shaped void in your life, continued contact is the land of false hopes -- fooling you into thinking that nothing's really changed (save for your relationship status on Facebook). In fact, research by social psychologist David Sbarra finds that contact offline after a breakup amps up feelings of both love and sadness, stalling the healing process. Staying in touch online -- or just snooping on your ex's social media doings -- appears to be even worse. For example, social psychologist Tara Marshall found that "engaging in surveillance of the ex-partner's Facebook page inhibited postbreakup adjustment and growth above and beyond offline contact." This makes sense -- as your brain needs to be retrained to stop pointing you toward your now-ex-boyfriend whenever you need love, attention, or comforting. Tell your ex you need a real break, and stick to it. Block him on social media. Drawbridge up. No contact of any kind -- no matter how much you long to hear, "Hey, whatcha up to tonight? How 'bout I come over and slow down your healing process?"