Flaccid Trip

In "senior dating," how, and how soon, do you suggest I disclose my ED? I'm 77, and this woman I'm seeing is 60ish.

--Man Of Yore

When I was 13, I could read a book from across the room. These days, it's sometimes hard to make out the words on those ginormous highway signs unless I let my Leader Dog take the wheel. Lucky for me, nobody snickers that I'm less of a woman because I have less-than-perfect eyesight. And it's pretty stupid that we attach that baggage to the aging penis. We don't expect a 1939 Studebaker to drive like a 2016 BMW. (And hey...where's the backup camera on this thing?!) To say you aren't alone is something of an understatement. In reviewing survey data from men 75 or older, UCLA urology professor Christopher Saigal found that 77.5 percent reported experiencing some degree of erectile dysfunction -- the inability to "get and keep an erection adequate for satisfactory intercourse." And 47.5 percent have a complete inability to achieve liftoff. (P.S. This isn't exactly a secret to women who date 70-something men.) Unfortunately, the reality for aging penises goes poorly with the ridiculous belief many people have that intercourse is the only "real" sex. However, sex therapist Dr. Marty Klein observes that ultimately, "what most people say they want from sex is some combination of pleasure and closeness." You can give that to a woman -- even if, at 77, everything on you is stiff but the one part you'd like to be. That's what you need to convey. But don't sit there in the bright lights of the diner and be all, "Let's talk about my penis..." Wait till there's a makeout moment, and after you kiss a bit, pause the action. In telling her, consider that you set the tone for whether your situation is some shameful thing or "just one of those things." Humor tends to express the latter pretty well -- like "I have a pet name for my penis. It's Rip Van Winkle, because he's been out cold since the Bush administration."