Feral Hugs

After casual sex, why do some men spend all night spooning and cuddling? This just happened for the second time, and it really messes with my head. My nesting inclination kicks in, and I start fantasizing about engagement rings. And I'm not some needy little thing.

--Confused

It's like when the plane's landing gear is malfunctioning and a person grabs the hand of the stranger seated next to them...not because that person means something to them but because it feels better than possibly dying alone in a fiery explosion. Casual sex, like grain alcohol and ladies' clingy knitwear, isn't for everyone. In research by anthropologist John Marshall Townsend, many women who just wanted sex from a guy still woke up the morning after with worries like "Does he care about me?" and "Is sex all he was after?" This is perhaps because of the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin -- upon orgasm or from intense cuddling. (In men, testosterone goes all defensive lineman, tackling the oxytocin and blocking it from getting to its receptor.) Understanding this may lead you to rethink hooking up. At the very least, you should take precautions for safe sex -- like asking "Where's the fire escape?" and telling a guy about the tender talk you need immediately afterward...such as "You can let yourself out" and "Don't forget to leave the parking pass in my mailbox."