Felon Like Some Company

I'd appreciate if you'd introduce me to a lady between 35 and 65 for friendship and more. I'm 48, six feet tall, 220 pounds. I'm an artist, writer, and musician. I'm currently in prison, but I'm not guilty, so I expect to get out of here soon.

--Jailhouse Rocker

I guess you're asking me to post a personals ad for you: "Enjoyed long walks on the beach; now enjoying short walks between electrified fences." Sure, the incarcerated man has his merits: There's no wondering where he is at night or worrying he'll run off with another woman (at least not for another 10 to 20). Of course, a woman who goes for a man behind bars almost always has something seriously wrong with her. Luckily, like almost all the prisoners who write me, you're innocent. Put your time into attracting a lawyer, and maybe you can invite a lady to your house instead of your House of Corrections. You'll get a better class of woman when you can say you're a 48-year-old artist/writer/musician rooming with another guy because you need to pick up extra cash, not because he got caught leaving three bodies in a ditch.