Fastidious And Furious

My boyfriend's fastidiously clean. I'm not. Before we moved in together, this was a source of teasing. Now it causes fights. I constantly upset him by letting dirty dishes sit, forgetting to dump the recycling, and allowing projects, books, papers and stuff to pile up all over. He's tried to be more accepting, and I've tried to remember to clean up, but it's not working. I suggested we each get our own place again, but he thinks that sounds like a step backward.

--Messy

Your boyfriend could be more open-minded: It's not just a kitchen; it's a probiotics wildlife refuge. You point to the grout: "See this furry green patch? I've decided to name it 'Pam.'" And sure, you could hire a weekly housecleaner with the money you're saving by cohabiting and make filing systems and lists and chore wheels, but the reality is, you probably need somebody to follow you around with a shovel. Since you two were happy when you lived separately, the problem seems to be buying into the idea that moving in together is a step forward. For your relationship, the step forward would be living apart so you can go back to being lovingly amused at your differences -- the way he sees the countertop as half-full and you see that there's still space for several pots and a week's worth of dirty plates.