Expiration Dating

I'm a 32-year-old guy using dating apps. I was in a long-term relationship that ended badly, and I'm not ready for anything serious right now. I get that many women are ultimately looking for a relationship. I don't want to ghost them if they start getting attached, but saying from the get-go that I just want something casual seems rude and a bit presumptuous.

--Conflicted

Not everybody likes to spoon after sex. You like to slip out of the house without being noticed. It isn't presumptuous to explain "from the get-go" that you aren't ready for anything serious; it's the right thing to do. Lay that out in your online profile (or at least in your first conversation) so women are clear that you're an aspiring sexfriend, not an aspiring boyfriend. Consider, however, that research by anthropologist John Marshall Townsend finds that even women who are sure that casual sex is all they're looking for can get clingy afterward -- to their great surprise. Townsend explains that women's emotions evolved to "act as an alarm system that urges women to test and evaluate investment and remedy deficiencies even when they try to be indifferent to investment." Ghosting -- just disappearing on somebody you're dating, with no explanation -- is dignity-shredding. If a woman does end up wanting more than you can give, you need to do the adult thing and tell her you're ending it. Sure, that'll be seriously uncomfortable for both of you. But keep in mind that bad news is usually the road to recovery, while no news is the road to randomly running into a woman everywhere, including your shower.