Err Of Mystery

I'm a 28-year-old guy, newly single after the end of my relationship from college, and all of my dates have been busts. I ask girls out, and they say yes, but I must be doing something wrong on first dates, because I can't seem to score a second one. Like, ever. They go out with me once, and goodbye. I'm a gentleman, enthusiastic, complimentary, affectionate. What could be the problem?

--Puzzled

There's a chance you're overdoing it in the Enthusiastic! Complimentary! Affectionate! department. (It's good to keep a woman guessing a little, but not, "Am I on a date, or is this guy trying to enroll me in a pyramid scheme?") Consider "the principle of least interest," sociologist Willard Waller's term for how, in any relationship, the person who shows the least interest has the most power. Conversely, the person who comes on with all the subtle nonchalance of a "Cash For Gold!" sign spinner -- especially before they even know the other person -- has the aura of a needy suck-up. Try something: Cool it on your next five dates. This doesn't mean acting catatonic. It just means waiting to see whether a woman actually is exciting and worth getting to know -- as opposed to being excited by her mere presence: "Wow -- to be out with a real woman! I usually just have candlelit dinners with a pillow with a wig on it!"