Epic Frail

I've had a crush on a guy who's been flirting with me at my neighborhood coffeehouse. Today, he sat by the door, watching as four elderly people struggled to go out -- a couple pushing walkers and, about five minutes later, a couple who were all hunched over and using canes. I was seated in the back, but when I saw nobody was helping them, I ran over and held the door. Is his behavior a clear sign that he'd be bad boyfriend material?

--Door Closing

Sometimes it's hard to know what to do when you see somebody in need. A person falls down on the sidewalk in front of you. Do you just step over him? Or do you stop and take his wallet and then step over him? In assessing people, I tend to go with F. Scott Fitzgerald's notion: "Action is character." Or, in this case, inaction. I personally don't know how you sit back and enjoy the view as a parade of infirm elderly people struggle out a door, but I do know that things aren't always as they seem. Maybe it looked like he was looking but he was in some sort of fugue state. Maybe he has a cranky, independent granny who sees any help as an insult: "Why don'tcha just throw me in a hole and stick a wreath over my head?!" If you end up going out with him, do what you should with any guy you date: Look closely at his behavior, especially when he thinks nobody's watching. Be honest with yourself if it seems a fundamental lack of empathy kept him in his seat -- much as you'd like to believe that there's a rash of pranksters going around to coffeehouses and gluing all the hot guys' feet to the floor.