Don Emoticon

Last month, I hit it off with a girl on an online dating site. The problem is, my written banter is much better than what I can achieve on a first date. I do poorly when just staring across a table at somebody. I'm worried she'll be disappointed when she sees how bad I am at being witty on the spot, so I've been reluctant to ask her out.

--Stalling

Maybe as a preliminary step, you could make plans to go to the same Starbucks but hide behind your laptops and email each other. We need to start calling online dating sites "online meeting sites" so people will stop thinking they can get to know somebody while spending a month sitting miles away and staring deep into their computer screen. They typically end up filling in the blanks with who they want the person to be and believe they're getting attached to them when maybe what they're most attached to is how witty they feel while leaning on a thesaurus the size of Rhode Island. Sure, it's tough sitting across a table from a near stranger with "SAY SOMETHING ALREADY!" ringing in your head. So don't sit on the first date. Do something. Go somewhere you can pluck subjects of conversation out of the atmosphere: a street fair, a flea market. Play pool; go bowling. And lighten up on feeling that you need to be funny. You'll ultimately be funnier and more likely to get a second date if you approach the first date as if your goal is getting to know a woman instead of getting her to book you for your own Comedy Central special.