Demotion Sickness

My boyfriend just broke up with me but wants to "stay friends" and keep hanging out on those terms. (He says, "My life is much better with you in it.") I'd like to be friends eventually, but I told him that it's just too painful and confusing to see him now. He says I'm being dramatic and unreasonable and keeps calling.

--Broken

This guy's notion of how a breakup should work is like telling an employee, "Hey, you're fired, but please feel free to come in a few times a week and do some light janitorial work." A breakup is supposed to be an ending, not a "let's continue as if very little has changed, and I'll pretend not to notice those big wet mascara stripes down your cheeks." Research by clinical psychologist David Sbarra confirmed what most of us already know about getting dumped -- that contact with your former partner while you're trying to recover jacks up feelings of love and sadness, setting back your healing. You need time and distance to process and accept the change in your relationship; you can't just send a memo to your emotions, ordering them to recategorize the guy: "Cut the love. From now on, respond to him like he's a brick or maybe a lamp." It's wonderful to have a man who insists on standing by you, but not because it's better for him than respecting your need to go away and lick your wounds. This is not friend behavior. If, despite that, you want him in your life down the road, inform him that for now, you've made a "no contact" rule -- lasting until you feel ready to see him on different terms. When he (inevitably) tries to break it, politely reiterate it and end the conversation. The sooner he's out of your daily life the sooner you'll be open to a new man -- dreamy as it would be to spend lazy afternoons at your ex's place writing him letters of recommendation for prospective girlfriends and Photoshopping your arm out of pictures so he can post them on Tinder.