Cloud None

I'm in love with my male best friend and unfortunately, I'm pretty sure he's never been attracted to me. This is very painful, and trying to stop thinking about him so much isn't working. To be fair, he isn't emotionally available right now, as he's still mourning his divorce (a little too long for it to be healthy, I think). I'm thinking that if I stay close and stay available, he may pick me once he becomes emotionally ready again. Is that crazy? I really want a relationship and am willing to wait for him.

--Tormented

Nothing says "your welfare means the world to me" like clocking a man's mourning with a stopwatch. Beyond how the guy isn't up for a relationship right now, you seem pretty sure that you're just the girl next door to the girls in his wank bank. So mooning over him is not the road to a relationship but the equivalent of trying to get from New York to California by doing endless doughnuts in a Walmart parking lot. If unrequited love isn't the point -- offering you protection from heartbreak and distraction from pursuing a guy who's a real possibility -- you need to disengage. But the answer isn't trying to stop thinking about him. Thought suppression actually seems to backfire. For example, social psychologist Jennifer L.S. Borton found that asking research participants to suppress a specific thought led to their experiencing it "more frequently" and led to "a more anxious and depressed mood." Because of this, when you have a thought of the guy, don't try to shove it away. Instead, shift how you think of him. Focus on how he isn't emotionally available and then on how he probably never will be for you. Next, take action. You could opt for a thought-occupying distraction like watching a movie -- or, better yet, make an effort to shift your circumstances by going on dating sites to look for men who might be possibilities for you. This ultimately allows you to be there for this guy as a friend, offering him a Kleenex to dry his tears -- as opposed to mentioning that you happen to be wearing a very soft and super-absorbent pushup bra.