Careful What You Witch For

If you love someone, and they hurt you, why do you survive on the desire to see them wounded? The man I've had a passionate on-again, off-again relationship with for eight years recently told me our getting back together was a mistake, and that he's taking up with another woman...my competition. I love him, and want to be nice about it long enough to get some cold revenge.

--Feeling Evil

If you love something...slash its tires? Oh, wait -- I think that's not quite how it goes. A lot of people feel like you do, and justify it with stuff like, "You know, there's a thin line between love and hate." No, there isn't. There's just a thin line between not getting what you want and hating the person who isn't giving it to you. If your love for somebody is contingent on being wanted by them, you don't really love them; you love being wanted. And while we're on accepted wisdom that isn't actually wise, revenge is not "best served cold" (or with a glass of Prosecco); it's best not served at all. You've got limited time on the planet, and spending it prosecuting the past is just going to mire you in feeling rejected. And what did the guy do that was so terrible? Start loving somebody else? That's exactly what you should do, and maybe can, if you work on accepting that it's over and move on -- and not just because the judge orders you to stay 75 yards away at all times.