Can't Twin 'Em All

My last boyfriend lied and cheated so much that I am wary of all guys now. My best friend keeps telling me that not all guys are like him and that I just have to put myself back out there.

--Betrayed

You didn't end up with a cheater because he fell down your chimney, pulled a gun on you, and said, "Ho-ho-ho, let's date!" You chose the guy and then neglected to un-choose the guy when there were indications of more than a few ho-ho-hos in his life. But, like many people exiting a bad relationship, the last thing you seem interested in is taking responsibility for sticking with a partner who treated you like a gymnast in the Humiliation Olympics. In other words, the answer isn't just putting yourself back out there, but putting yourself out there with what was missing the last time around: a little discernment. As I wrote recently, boyfriends who are liars and cheaters go for girlfriends who put up with lying and cheating. And if you're like a lot of women who've been romantically duped, you'll say you want a man who's ethical if you're asked, but you don't make that an actual requirement in men you date. Now would be an excellent time to start. It beats being wary of all men because your last man cheated on you, which is kind of like being wary of people in pants because the last person who mugged you was wearing pants (as opposed to a stylish summer shift).