Breaking The Unsound Barrier

Last night, a girl I was seeing several months ago texted me, wanting to get back together. She'd cut all ties with me after accusing me of causing her brother to abuse her, both emotionally and physically. We'd been sexting, and her brother read one of my texts, and she blamed me for his behavior, either for making the abuse happen or for making it worse. She's no longer living with her brother, and I'm tempted to go back to her, but I don't want to ruin things with this new girl I'm seeing who seems kind, understanding, and more stable.

--Decisions

Think about how this works in an action movie. Typically, the film ends with the hero safe and sound in a bar, reflecting on his narrow escape. (In "Jaws," the guy didn't turn around and go back in for a swim.) You can feel sorry for this woman and hope she gets some help, but a woman who blames you for another person's behavior is telling you something -- she's irrational and unstable and you've probably only grazed the tip of the drama iceberg. In a word, FLEE! -- unless you luck out, and she ditches you. (The self-removing problem girlfriend is the next best thing to a bag of trash that grows legs and walks itself out to the curb.) It's actually pretty imperative to make rationality, self-respect, and emotional stability your top must-haves in a girlfriend and to be mindful of how easy it is to rationalize the behavior of the drama dispensers, especially when reminiscing about the hot times. (Red lingerie always pleads its case louder than red flags, and the crazies always seem more fun in bed.) But, getting together with an irrational, unstable woman -- especially one with irrational, unstable, meddling relatives -- is like sticking your life in a wood chipper. Ultimately, if a woman's going to take your breath away, it shouldn't be because there's only a little more oxygen left in the trunk of her nutbag brother's car.