Blake Like Me

I've been with my girlfriend for 10 months, but it took me only four to realize that I loved her. I'm a true romantic, so I wrote her a poem telling her how I felt. She was touched, but she said she wasn't "in the same place." Well, she still can't say "those three little words." She came out of a bad marriage very recently, so one thing I said I'd never do was pressure her, but I'm beginning to wonder if I should start. We're together every weekend. I love her children as my own, and her parents and friends adore me. I send her flowers at work for no reason, and put love notes in her makeup mirror. She isn't the "user" type, but she still isn't comfortable introducing me as her boyfriend! I'm just "the guy she's dating." At the risk of sounding pompous, is it she who doesn't deserve me? Maybe she simply has trouble with labels.

--Digging for Love

POETRY IS LIKE Anthrax. The tiniest dose can cause widespread devastation. Poetry written by amateurs is the most lethal kind, much like brain surgery practiced by amateurs. Luckily, the average person with half a brain does not feel qualified by virtue of having it to grab a scalpel and dig around in somebody else's frontal lobe. Why is it that so many people who possess pens feel qualified to write for an audience that extends beyond their padlocked journal or their trash compactor?

In the wrong hands, free expression can get expensive. The wrong hands are those attached to anyone who thinks having feelings is sufficient justification for letting them fly -- you, for example. You tried to crush a woman who just came out of a bad marriage under a ton of rose petals and gooey Post-It notes. This response to her unresponsiveness was a little like putting on a concert for your parents featuring Julie Andrews singing Eminem's greatest hits or Metallica doing Neil Diamond. Hellooo? Anybody home in there?

Why is this woman with you? Gloria Steinem used to bleat that "a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." These days, all of recently-married Gloria's goldfish must be riding little red Schwinns. Being alone is no fun, even for famous platitude pushers. Of course, with your track record as a visionary, there is a tiny possibility that you're missing a tiny ulterior motive on your girlfriend's part -- perhaps a tiny ulterior motive about the size of Brazil. For example, barring a few tool-belted handy-girl exceptions, what is a woman without a boyfriend but a woman in need of a licensed general contractor?

This particular woman doesn't have a problem with labels. She "isn't in the same place." You're just "the guy she's dating." Keep up your barrage and you'll soon be the guy she isn't dating. This wouldn't be a bad thing, considering your deep need to hear "those three little words." Tell yourself two little words -- "go away" -- and you might eventually get your desired three. In the future, before you run around "saying it with flowers," consider whether your audience would prefer you kept it to yourself in a pot of fallow dirt.