Between The Spreadsheets

I started dating a female co-worker. I've seen many office romances go bad and be fodder for gossip, so I act very professional at work so nobody knows. She's hurt that I'm keeping her a "secret."

--Stressed

It's a bit of a disconnect to get the office hello from a guy who, just the night before, was undressing you with his teeth. But the real problem here isn't conflicting ideas on whether to put out an all-office memo: "The softball team will meet at 5:30 p.m. behind the building, and oh, yeah, Amber and I are doing it." Differences of opinion are part of every relationship. What helps your partner feel okay about them -- even when she goes along with what you want -- is acting like you're in a relationship, not a dictatorship. This means figuring out policy together instead of your single-handedly deciding it and then -- surprise! -- greeting her like you aren't quite sure whether she's Amber who just helped you break your headboard or what's-her-face from sales. Had you made this a discussion instead of a decree, she might've told you she's worried you're ashamed of her -- allowing you to reassure her (assuming you're not). Well, there's no time like now to have that policy discussion -- including worst-case scenarios, like how you two would handle it if things went south. It does seem prudent to wait to alert your co-workers until you're reasonably sure your relationship has legs. However, sooner or later, somebody from the office is likely to run into the two of you out on the town. The story of a Saturday night strategy session in the parking lot of a romantic French restaurant is unlikely to fly -- especially when it appears to have ended with both of you wearing her lipstick.