Battle Of The Divulge

My boyfriend won't "friend" my friends or relatives on Facebook. He says he doesn't want to worry about censoring his posts or friends' comments. Well, I have a handful of friends, and now a brother and a cousin, who've told me that he never responded to their friend request, and I worry that they'll think he is rude or doesn't like them.

--Bothered

Your boyfriend probably prefers your brother remember him for the wonderful way he helped your granny and not for how he looks in that photo his friend likes to post -- the one where he's passed out on someone's bathroom floor with a bra draped across his chest and "Princess" written across his face with a Sharpie. Although privacy is reportedly dead, it's his right to be one of those holdouts who refuses to be a 24-hour gas station of personal information. The problem comes in his ignoring your friends and family -- tossing their friend requests in the Internet landfill with all the personal messages from African warlords with $19 million in diamonds to share with a trustworthy total stranger. Tell your boyfriend you're afraid feelings are getting hurt, and suggest he message people back with something like, "Thanks, but I mainly use Facebook to stay in touch with a few old friends. Hope to see more of you in real life." It's gracious but boundary-maintaining, and if you break up, his lack of connectedness should provide a healthy barrier between him and explosive revelations about your new boyfriend, such as what he had for lunch.