Bald Eager

Are there any psychological hacks for getting people to like you?

--Self-Improvement Junkie

In social interaction, there's a balance between keeping it real and keeping it strategic. Going mad-enthusiastic over somebody you've just met is cute -- if you're a labradoodle. (That also makes it more forgivable when, in your excitement, you pee on the person's shoe.) There are two essential pieces of advice for getting people to like you: 1. Cool pursuit instead of hot pursuit. 2. Shut up and listen. 1. Cool pursuit: A popularity contest is the one competition where it pays not to try -- or, rather, to seem like you aren't trying. You do this, for example, by making some A-lister wait to talk with you -- "Gimme a sec while I nab that appetizer..." -- even though it's probably killing you inside. Erring on the side of seeming undereager is important, per psychologist Robert Cialdini's "scarcity principle": The less available something appears to be, the more valuable it seems and the more we want it. Accordingly, my rule: Try to seem more hard to get than hard to get rid of. 2. Shut up and listen: People think they can talk somebody into liking them, but really, you're most likely to listen somebody into doing that. Listening doesn't just mean hearing. It takes effort. It means paying close attention to what somebody's saying and drawing on your emotions to connect with it. That sort of listening is a form of emotional generosity. It ultimately sends the message "I'm talking to you because I'm interested in you and what you're saying," not "...because I haven't had sex since there were dinosaurs grazing where the 7-Eleven now stands." Listening is also important because it helps you see whether the person you're interested in is actually worthy of your interest. Ideally, you aren't chasing somebody simply because you've been chasing them, and, clever you, you've seen through the liberties they've taken in staging their own death. You, shoving aside a medical examiner and yanking open a bit of the zipper: "Pro tip...the actual coroner does not offer body bags by Louis Vuitton!" ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.