Bad Gratitude

Although I regularly tell my boyfriend how much I appreciate him, he repeatedly reminds me of how well he treats me, often saying "You sure have a great boyfriend" or "Your boyfriend's so good to you" -- even when I've just done something super-nice for him! I'm not sure why he does this, but he often tells me he's "very confident," which screams insecurity to me. He also loves telling stories about people complimenting him and every day tells me about someone's seeing him and saying, "Hi, Chris."

--Annoyed

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish for compliments and you annoy the crap out of everyone who knows or encounters him. Of course, if your boyfriend didn't feel like a skin tag among men, he wouldn't be marching around putting out mini-manifestos on his greatness. You can probably get him to cut back on the incessant self-congratulation simply by telling him it grates on you and makes you feel unappreciated. (A woman likes a man who's quick with a compliment, but especially when at least a few of the compliments are for her.) The question is, do you even know the man you're with? Chances are, he hides his real feelings out of fear that you'll leave him if you get a glimpse of what he probably sees as his shamefully loserish true self. Unfortunately, somebody chasing inner security all around town is never going to find it, and if your boyfriend's happy in your relationship, he's unlikely to feel motivated to get into the grubby business of digging inward. Relationships involve tradeoffs, and maybe being with him is worth it to you. But you may ultimately find it too hard to respect a guy who does stuff like bragging when people say, "Hi, Chris." Yes, it's the highest achievement of the human spirit: "Wow, people know me, and they don't shun me!"