Atone Deaf

I'm a 28-year-old girl, and I've been with my boyfriend for several months. He never really apologizes. He'll say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and never "I'm sorry that I did that." When I confronted him, he said, "Well, I'm not sorry for my actions. I just don't want to hurt you, so I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." Am I parsing this too much? Is there a difference between these two apologies?

--Wondering

"I'm sorry you feel that way" is the Dollar Tree version of an apology. Sure, it has the words "I'm sorry" and the package seems kind of familiar, but it ultimately goes down like expired SpaghettiOs from Czechoslovakia. This kind of apology doesn't make you want to forgive somebody; it makes you want to chase them with an ax. Basically, instead of taking responsibility for what they did or said, they're using apology words to blame you for feeling bad about it. Which is like saying, "I'm so sorry your window was too lame to open itself when my golf ball was heading toward it." And sure, "Sorry you're offended" is sometimes appropriate, but when it's always somebody's apology, it suggests they have no connection to the possibility that they've done something wrong. This is a trait common to narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, reflecting a lack of empathy. (Their saying "I'm sorry you're hurt" is just a sneaky way out, not an expression of care and concern.) Consider whether the "I'm perfect; you're oversensitive" model will work for you long term. If not, tell him what you need and see whether he can or will give it to you. If you don't see a change, the best way to teach him may be by example: "I'm sorry, but the number you have called has been disconnected."