Android Rage

I'm so tired of these supposed magician multitaskers on their cellphones. The guy I'm dating and some of my friends don't seem to get how disrespectful it feels when they play around on their phone or text while I'm talking to them. Am I crazy to want eye contact and attention when I'm talking?

--Irritated

This smartphone multitasking thing probably goes further than anyone knows - like, I'm picturing a parishioner in the confessional and the priest in the adjoining booth on his phone, shopping for a new cassock: "Next-day delivery. Sweet!" Parishioner: "Um, father...did you hear me say I murdered three people and still have them in my trunk out back?" Somebody came up with an annoyingly cute name -- phubbing (a mash of "phone" and "snubbing") -- for when someone ignores you in a social setting by being all up in their phone. Not surprisingly, research by social psychologist Varoth Chotpitayasunondh finds that phubbing comes off as a form of social ostracism -- allowing the snub-ee to experience that fun feeling some of us had in third grade when other kids diagnosed us with cooties and sentenced us to eat alone for the rest of elementary school. Chotpitayasunondh's research suggests that being phubbed by friends and acquaintances threatens our fundamental need for "belongingness." Other research on phubbing's effects in romantic partnerships finds (again, not surprisingly!) that it erodes intimacy and makes for less-satisfying relationships and diminished personal well-being. Regarding phubbers' skewed priorities, the title of a study by communications prof James A. Roberts says it all: "My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone." The important thing to remember is that you have a choice in how you are treated -- whether you'll put up with having, oh, 46% of someone's attention. Your power in pushing for respectful treatment comes out of what I call the "walk away principle": how willing you are, when somebody refuses to give you the level of respect you want, to just say, "Well, I'll miss you!" Figure out what sort of phone behavior works for you (for example, phone totally off and away when they're with you or, say, facedown on the table in case the babysitter or liver transplant team calls). Explain the issue by appealing to their empathy -- "it hurts my feelings when..." -- rather than attacking them. You might also feel less slighted if you remind yourself of the addictive pull of these electronic binkies. Frankly, we're lucky cellphones are a very recent invention. "Washington Falling Into the Delaware," anyone? Or maybe a little Patrick Henry: "Give me liberty or...wait a minute! I think somebody just liked my Instagram post!" ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.