All Tied Up In Hots

I persuaded my friend and his ex-girlfriend to get back together, as I'd never seen a more loving couple. The problem is, I started finding her sexy. She and my friend are now inseparable whenever they're not at work, and I'm racked with guilt for looking at her like a sexual object. (I'm not in love with her; I just want to sleep with her.) Hanging out with them has become awkward, to say the least.

--The Creep

You aren't attracted to her because you're a horrible person but because you're a man, not in a coma, and you probably find it dangerous and inconvenient to go around blindfolded. Like breathing or digesting a burrito, attraction is involuntary. (Whether you drool on her shoe or refer to her as "Hey, sex puppet!" is up to you.) As for why you feel so guilty, men are told it's a thought crime to ever view women as sex objects. Of course, that's exactly how women think of themselves when they're dressing to attract a man. Oh, did you think women wear plunging necklines and a little gold charm dangling in their cleavage to frighten away mosquitoes? As annoying as it is to want what you can't have, assuming you have no plans to leave your friend pinned under a tree in bear country, what's the problem? Keep reminding yourself that his girlfriend's a no-go, and seek a woman you can have. If you can't be around these two without your eyeballs crawling all over her, you might pare back your time with them. Otherwise, consider their utter inseparability your best defense against bad acts. It's not like your friend's going to turn to you and say, "Hey, man, I'm right in the middle of something. Mind toweling off my girlfriend?"