Aisle Give It To You Two Years Later

Since many marriages fail, what do you think of the idea that wedding gifts should only be given after the two-year mark, to celebrate a couple making it past the "honeymoon stage."

--The Realist

Don't stop there, Mr. Realist. Avoid giving Christmas presents to family members in high-risk occupations: "No iPod for you, electrical line worker!" Keep tabs on friends with unhealthy habits: "Oh, wait, you're smoking again? Gimme back that sweater." Wedding invitations generally say something like "Come celebrate Don and Donna's happy day," not "Take the risk that your investment in their marriage will be a lasting one." Pragmatism is wise if you're getting a new transmission, but in certain areas of life, it's plain ugly. Could you maybe do the warm, generous thing, and extend your good wishes in the form of a toaster? Even if they end up hating each other, it may still come in handy (maybe one can throw it out the window at the other). If you're just cheap, and prefer never to be invited to another wedding, give the happy couple a beautifully wrapped package with a note inside: "If you don't hate each other in two years, call me and I'll buy you a lead-crystal turtle."