Acquaintances With Benefits

I'm a successful, attractive 40-year-old man with a great job that often has me attending social functions where I meet great women who hit on me and hint at going on a date. The thing is, I have no interest in a long-term relationship, but it seems jerky and presumptuous to say upon meeting, "Hey, you're really cool, but I'm not looking for anything serious." But, what if a date leads to crunch time on a woman's sofa? Do I pause the action early on and make a public service announcement? Waiting till afterward seems unfair.

--Good-Time Charlie

People are prone to believe they've found whatever it is they've been looking for. You, apparently, look like the sort of man they write about in romance novels, but are actually the other sort: the sort they write about in bathroom stalls. A commitment-minded woman may start visualizing you behind the wheel of a minivan, driving the adorable twin sons you had with her to soccer. It's your job to give her a more accurate picture of her future with you: a view of the back of your head as you're heading out to your car after your third and final date. When you're first chatting, wind your way to the subject of Relationships Today, touch on general points, then get more personal: "I'm actually not dating as much because I'm not looking for a long-term relationship or anything serious." The woman may decide to ignore this, and may even take you on as a challenge, but you've done your part in making the landscape clear: You're pretty much the pool boy; you just happen to be one who has his own house and pool.