A Czar Is Born

I love my girlfriend, but she has some weird rules about her place: no shoes inside, cabinets can't be left open, etc. We've gotten in fights when I've forgotten to do this stuff and then mentioned how ridiculous I find it. Should I have to do things I think are stupid?

--Besieged

Your girlfriend reminds you of a well-known television star. Unfortunately, it's Judge Judy. You, like many people in relationships, have the expectation that your partner's requests should make sense. This is where you go wrong. To be human is to be kind of an idiot. We're all idiots on some level -- meaning that we all say and do things that make sense to us but that others would reasonably find utterly idiotic. That said, our idiocy is not without benefits. Economist Robert H. Frank observes that we evolved to sometimes behave in "seemingly irrational" ways that actually serve our interests. An example would be acting out in ways that test others' commitment to us (though, typically, we don't see it that way and may not even intend to do that). So, though your girlfriend would probably list reasons for each of her rules -- reasons you might find silly -- what isn't silly is her caring about your following them or at least caring enough to try. In short, you don't have to endorse her ideas to try to act in accordance with them and to treat her kindly when she gets upset that you've forgotten. (For example, you could say: "I'm sorry. I know it's important to you that I do this.") This would be a signal that you care deeply about her -- that you love her enough to do ridiculous things just to make her happy...maybe even to the point of handing her a shopping bag: "Look, honey! There was a sale at Prada on surgical shoe covers!"