A Brief History Of Slime

I just discovered that my boyfriend of a year not only is married but has two young kids. I broke it off immediately and texted his wife. I made clear that I had no idea he was married. But now his wife keeps contacting me, wanting to meet for lunch. I'm not sure what she wants from me.

--Go Away, Lady

When somebody just can't let go after a relationship, you don't expect it to be your married boyfriend's wife. You can't seem to get it through her head: "I'm out of his life, and I'd really like to be out of yours." She's probably just looking for answers -- sadly, to questions like "How pretty are you?" "How big are your boobs?" and "How the heck did you get him to go to the dermatologist?" But the only answer you really need to give her is a definitive no: No calls. No texts. No more contact. Meanwhile, review any signs you may have overlooked that this guy wasn't the single, available man he made himself out to be, and go into future relationships wanting to find out rather than wanting to believe. This should keep you from having scorned wives hitting you up for lunch dates and from the charming offers that might ensue: "Whaddya say -- if I treat you to tiramisu, would you help me dump his body in the ravine?"