A Body At Rust

I've been married to a wonderful woman for two years. We have a 2-year-old child. Unfortunately, we stopped having sex when she got pregnant and haven't started again since. She loves me, but she just doesn't want sex like she used to. (And no, I'm not some sexist dude leaving all the baby care to her.) How can we jump-start our sex life?

--Famished

"Being and Nothingness" is 722 pages of stylishly depressing existentialism by Jean-Paul Sartre; ideally, it does not also describe what goes on in bed between you and your wife. Chances are your wife's libido didn't get broken in the delivery room or carried off by a raccoon. In women, desire seems to work differently than how it does in men, according to sex researcher Rosemary Basson, M.D. Once women are comfortably ensconced in a relationship, Basson finds that they no longer have the "spontaneous sexual hunger" they did in the early days of dating. Instead, their desire is "responsive," meaning it is "triggerable" -- simply by starting to fool around. Yes, miraculously, revving up your sex life will probably just take some makeout sessions. Tell your wife about Basson's research and start scheduling regular romantic evenings. Make them early enough that nobody's too tired and keep your expectations on medium. (You might not have full-blown sex on night one, but try to see whatever mwah-mwah makeout that goes on as an encouraging start.) When possible, drop the baby off at Grandma's and have a sex weekend at a hotel. This may sound like a lot of effort and expense, but it sure beats the alternative -- setting your penis out on the blanket next to the VHS player at your spring garage sale. ... For pages and pages of "science-help" from me, buy my latest book, "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence." It lays out the PROCESS of transforming to live w/confidence.