A Blast From The Pest

Hi there. It's "Beside Myself" with one more question about the waitress I've fallen for that I corresponded with you about the other day. Can a 40-year-old man have a relationship with a 20- to 25-year-old young lady? Is that too much of a gap? Does age really matter?

--Still Beside Myself

No, the fact that she probably wants you in jail really matters. The gap that counts is the one between delusion and reality: You aren't her one and only; you're the pervy guy at Table 4. Sure, in romantic comedies, the "harass your way to happily ever after" model always works for Ben Affleck or Adam Sandler. But, this is real life, in a diner, so they don't need dramatic conflict to keep people in the seats, just reasonably edible eggs and bacon. As I've already e-mailed you repeatedly: STAY AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN. Act like you care about her by being kind enough to accept that she doesn't want you, and by respecting that she (not you) gets to decide who's in her life. Go get the therapy you desperately need, and when your therapist deems you emotionally healthy enough to date, pursue women who talk to you because they like you and think you're cute, not because it's their job to tell you they're out of meatloaf.